Are you really gone?
by Clockwork Night
Summary: When Izaya finally tells Shizuo how he feels, the blonde pushes him away, years later, Shizuo realizes his own feelings, but it was too late, for Orihara Izaya was dead, So he decided to find out the real reason the raven died, But what he finds could change his life forever *Shizaya* *Gore* *Yaoi* *BoyXBoy*
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, so I know I've been doing a lot (like a lot a lot)) of deathfics, but for some reason I just need to do these, and I sorry I so depressing, I promise they will get all cute and fluffy soon, just kinda in a dark spot in my life**

**My God I should never be left alone with sad music and a computer...**

**Izaya is based off of my EXTREMLY OOC rp Izaya on drrrchat, he works in a cafe secretly and plays guitar**

**Izaya finally told Shizuo how he felt, and Shizuo flat out rejected him, and told him he rather be dead than with another man, much less Izaya, **

**So Izaya killed himself, **

**10 years later, Shizuo went to Izaya's old apartment, hoping to find something about why, when he finds something, it turns into a mystery. **

**eh, what can I say, don't leave me alone with my thoughts.**

_**The italics are the videos, you'll understand, **_

_**-Devit-**_

Shizuo looked up at the building, he sighed, 13 years ago, he would have come this way for the sole reason of killing the raven haired man, but now... now that everyone had moved out, now that it was abandoned, now was the time he came as an old friend. He fixed the scarf around his neck and made his way up the stairs. No one had been in the raven's apartment since that day... that fateful day 10 years ago, that day the sun stopped shining. The stairs creaked under him, how was this once a high class apartment complex?

The old woman who lived two floors under him started spreading rumors about the haunting of the tormented soul who now lived there... something like that, scared families away, once they knew the headless rider was real... who knew what else was real? He finally got to the top floor, he had only been up here once, that Izaya knew about and that was to try (try) to kill the man who lived here. But when Izaya didn't show, after that day, he came here to comfort the flea... he was never home Shizuo stopped in front of the black door, the only one up here, he sighed. This was it, Orihara Izaya's house.

He turned the nob, it opened up easily, he didn't even have to use the inhuman strength that had gotten weaker over the years. After Izaya's death... he just didn't have the purpose to do anything, his inhuman strength failed him, and he was in the hospital.

Getting old sucked.

Shizuo walked in, it was too cold. He remembered that Izaya liked it cold, he sighed,

Izaya...'That name he would never be able to figure out, dust covered the expensive furniture. The soft echo of his footsteps scared him, maybe that damn flea would jump out... yell surprise.. you miss me?

But Shizuo knew that would never happen, for he was at Izaya's funeral. He watched them lower the scar-covered body of the once great man into the damp icy ground. Memories flooded in him. He could just about see Orihara Izaya sitting at that mahogany desk, feet propped up, wearing those reading glasses no one knew he had, but Shinra, biting the end of a pen. Shizuo wanted to walk over to the man and say something, but he faded away.

He could imagine Izaya sitting on the mantle, he may not have come up to see the informant, but he could see threw the huge window, plus the times he more or less stalked Izaya. He could see Izaya sitting there, trying to think of a song to play on that black and blue guitar he loved so much. He was quiet the musician, he even worked at a little cafe during the summers and winters.

That beautiful image disappeared as well.

He sighed, then remembered, he had a reason to come here... to find out why exactly Izaya had killed himself. Shizuo made his way across the creaking floor. Watching out, just in the off chance Izaya would pop out. He briefly wondered what Izaya would be like if he was still alive? He would be what... 33, 36? Shizuo didn't remember what age he died at...would he still be that cocky, nonchalant bastard? Or would he have changed?

Shizuo saw the dusty old computer Izaya was mostly at, it was shut off, duh. He smiled, thinking about his Izaya sitting there, clicking away, being the adorable professional stalker he was. With the only bravery he may have had, he walked over to it, found the power button and clicked it on. It was old, that was for sure, but it worked great, Izaya was pretty well of for a guy with no family to speak of and no one to help.

After a few seconds of the computer loading, it's turned to the home screen, the screen saver showing Izaya, Shinra, Kadota and.. Shizuo... the blonde felt himself smile, he kept that picture of the week they went camping together. Shizuo had almost ripped 6 trees away from the ground. He clicked on the document button, pulling up hundreds of documents of people in Ikebukuro and Shinjuku. Most names he couldn't recognize, but Tom would. He clicked on one file that said **Home Security System. **

There were files for each room in the apartment, one said **Master Bedroom **that must have been Izaya's room.

So why not start watching

_Izaya sat on the large black and white bed, he sighed. There was a knock at the door "Orihara-san... open up, you haven't been out of there in three days!" Naime called, Izaya shook his head _

"_G-Go away!" he yelled back, he was crying, it was hard to see with the black and white, but he was.  
"So what if you got rejected?" Naime asked, she had stopped banging on the door and resolved with just standing there. Izaya let out a choked back sob  
"Because!" he yelled, his head in his hands "Go home!" Naime sighed, then left Izaya alone, she left the house. _

Shizuo was surprised, so he got dumped? He checked the date, June 19th, three weeks before he died... 3 days after Shizuo rejected him. That couldn't be connected... right? He moved the mouse to click on another video, July 15th.

_Izaya held the blade to his wrist, slashing and gashing. He flinched, blood dripped down. He was crying, again. He fell to the floor, knife held close. "I-If he rather be dead... than with me... then i-i... I'll kill myself.. HE'S EVERYTHING TO ME!" he yelled, _Shizuo had never seen Izaya so... broken. So helpless, after Shizuo rejected him, he knew the informant didn't look like he normally did, he made sure the sleeves on his shirt and jacket stayed low, he wasn't as cocky... wasn't as... Izaya. Was this the reason?

_Izaya had headphones in, for the first time in a long time, he looked genuinely... happy. He was singing and dancing around his apartment. "I'll be out of my mind! And you'll be out of idea's pretty soon! So let's spend... the afternoon in a hot air balloon! Leave your jacket behind.. we melt and touch the treetops over town! I can't wait, till we kiss the ground whenever we touch back down!" he sang loudly, but it was still a nice sound, he wasn't wearing that hot fur jacket anymore, his thick scars on his arms and wrist showing openly. He kept singing, it was a pleasant sound. He sat down in that big black chair and spun around, "Shizu-chan Shizu-chan Shizu-chan!" he called, there was no answer, but he knew here wouldn't be "Oooohhh how I love thee... how thy hates me!" He said, "But my time is drawing to an end, and you will not witness my everlasting pact with death." _

The video began to mess up, static, but he could still hear Izaya's voice...

The date said... five days before he died.

The static kept getting worse, the camera's footage must have gotten down loaded onto Izaya's computer. He continued to watch the strange videos, then he remembered something quiet important.

Izaya was paranoid. Therefor, he wouldn't want camera's everywhere... in his room, his bathroom. So who put them there? That when he saw something in the video that made his heart jump. The video of Izaya alone in his room, sleeping.

Who was that standing in the corner?


	2. Chapter 2

**So I think I will continue this, I don't own Durarara, if I did, there would be much Yaoi. **

**Enjoy!**

**this will be short! just to get you guys all like WHAT NO CLIFFHANGERS AND SHIZAYA!**

**-Devit-**

Shizuo stared at the form on the screen. Izaya turned over and sniffled, he, while not being able to be seen very well due to the static, was kind of cute. He looked down at the date... maybe it could tell him something.

His heart fell, the date said it was the year Izaya died, it would have been yesterday... his heart pounded in his ears. The dark form didn't move quiet yet, but it was there. He watched the screen, gripping onto the table, causing it to crush in his hands.

There was a bang outside. Shizuo stood up and walked to the large window. His mocha eyes scanned, but saw nothing but the usual thugs running around. A young girl pointed up to the window at him, her mother looked up at Shizuo in confusion. She pulled the girl alone away from the building that loomed ahead.

He wondered if this was how Izaya felt all those years ago. Watching 'his humans' them watching him. Was that what drove him to insanity? He sighed in defeat, feeling as though there was never going to be closure for this... never closure for Izaya.

"_It's Been A Long Time Running, And The Tables Turned Around.. Cause One Of Us Is Going...One Of Us Is Going Down..." _

Shizuo looked around, where was that coming from?! He walked over to the desk, staring into the past black and white. The Izaya on the video groaned and turned over in his sleep. Shizuo coughed, the dust filled his lungs. Realization hit him, there was no phone going off in the video, not in the past. No... this was one of Izaya's many cell phones going off in the present time...

Shizuo immediately sprung into action, searching the desk and every other nook and cranny of the room to find the phone that continued to play Going Down by Sick Puppies.

Who knew Izaya listened to that kind of music?

Shizuo got on his knees to check the ground area, his back popped, he growled "Getting old sucks..." he hissed. His eyes scanned every place he could find, until he hit the smallest glow of artificial light coming from the waist basket

He stuck his hand into the basket, pulling out abruptly when something sliced into his hand. He looked at it, it was bloody, looking back into the basket he saw razor blades.

_Izaya...why?_

He finally found the ringing phone, the number wasn't registered into Izaya's contacts, there was no name, and Shizuo didn't recognize it. Poor bastards didn't realize that the man who owned the phone was long dead, he guessed. Why else would they call?

With little thought, he flipped the phone open and answered the call

"Hello?" He asked, the other end was silent. "Listen, I don't know if you know, but Orihara Izaya is dead... stop calling." He said, waiting. There was a deep breath on the other end..

"_Hello Heiwajima-san, I was waiting for you to pick up after ten years..." _

_**I am sooo sorry I can't update as much, I'm working on 2 Spamano fanfics, 1 Germancest, the next chapter of Colors of the Wind and poetry... I promise i'll try to get these longer when I have the time. **_


	3. Chapter 3

**For all of you who are pissed at me because I didn't tell you who the guy in the room was...**

**THAT'S THIS CHAPTER!**

**sorry, but some things had to happen before I told you, **

**Eh, I own nothing, **

**Much yaoi would be happened. **

**HEY!**

**At the end of this, I was thinking, if you all cared, I think I'll type out and post the original notes and ideas for this. So you all could see just what I was thinking for 'Are You Really Gone?"**

**SHORT**

**-Devit-**

"_Hello Heiwajima-san, I was waiting for you to pick up after ten years..." _

Shizuo stared at the phone in shock, they...were not calling for Izaya? But him?

"W-Who is this?!" He hissed, "Answer me!"  
"_Orihara-san is quiet pretty when sleeping, isn't he?"_

Shizuo ran over to the computer screen, staring at it, the man in the corner, but there was no one there.

"Who is this?! If this is a prank..this is sick!" Shizuo yelled into the old phone, just as the computer, it was once a very good, expensive model. Now it was rather old, but still proven useful.

"_Hey now." _the man said "_No need to yell Heiwajima-san, my name is something you need not know. But I did call for a reason, you see... I have something you want,"_

Shizuo stared at the phone, what could this sick bastard have that he could possibly want?

"You have nothing I want you sick f-"  
"_How about Izaya?"_

Shizuo stopped moving, stopped breathing. "W-What?" he stuttered, falling into the black chair from trying to steady himself... he could hear the smile in this man's voice. "Stop messing with me!"

"_I'm not, first thing is first. You don't know me, you never will. Second thing is your boyfriend can hear every word you say." _

Shizuo felt like he was going to be sick, how could a man talk of the dead in such a way?! And much less...Izaya... "He was never my boyfriend, your a liar and a fake! Never call this number again!" Shizuo yelled. He slammed the phone onto the mahogany desk, growling and acting like an animal.

He could still hear the highly annoying laughter, "Who the hell are you?!" Shizuo hissed...

"_Ren Kaido, Heiwajima-san, you may remember me... or at least you remember the marks all over your precious flea's body... that should be enough of a reminder." _Now Shizuo just wanted to strangle this 'Ren' man to death,

"Your sick Ren Kaido..." Shizuo said, he was fed up with all the bull shit. He stood up, this had to be yet another one of Izaya's ruthless pranks and plans... from beyond the grave. "I'm leaving, leave me alone." He hissed, then walked to the door.

He stopped were he was, eyes wide,

"_Help me Shizu-chan..."_

_Hey guys, I'm so sorry about this short chapter, I haven't had much time to get good idea's + write. I am working on a bunch of Hetalia things at the moment, both cosplay and fanfiction. So please don't get TOO pissed at me!_

_Thanks!_


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys, new chapter!**

**so I'm trying my best to make these longer, while rewriting Masquerade and working on Colors of the Wind.. **

**Hetalia mofo... Hetalia...**

**So I just got my crappy 2P America jacket done, WOOOO now I have to make my mini Prussian Flag...yay...**

**I don't own Durarara **

**Okay, so yeah, enjoy this weird piece of whatever you want to call it!**

"Shinra!" Shizuo yelled, beating on the large door of a underworld morgue. The clock in the middle of the town showed it was just over 3:30 in the morning. He growled quiet loudly when the doctor didn't answer "SHINRA!" He yelled. He could hear a little bit of music going in the background, like an old record player... skipping...

He smiled slightly when the door opened to show the short, brunette man. He pushed his glasses up "Now is not the time sir, do you want to wake the dead?" he said sarcastically. He looked so much older than when Shizuo had seen him last...

"Shinra..." He growled, the underground doctor looked up tiredly.

"Shizuo Heiwajima? Is that you?" He shook his head, smiling, he took Shizuo's hand in both of his. A smile plastered onto that weird little face of his. He never changed.

"Hello Shinra, it's been a while." Shizuo said, rubbing the back of his neck, smiling, towering over the smaller man.

"Almost ten years Shizuo!" Shinra laughed "Come in, come in..." He said, and with that, he ushered Shizuo in.

Shizuo looked around him, how did ten years pass and he not have seen Shinra sooner or later? He sighed and decided that later it would have to be. Shinra pulled him into the kitchen, Shizuo sat down, it was rather nice for an underground doctor, or whatever he was now. Shinra prepared some tea for the two and some food. Shizuo looked around at all the pictures of his golden days, he and Celty, the beautiful Dullahan who..seemed to be lacking presence.

"Hey..Shinra?" Shizuo called, the small brunette looked up from his work,

"Hm?"  
"Where is Celty?" He asked, Shinra smiled,

"My _wife_ is out at the moment, she should be in later tonight, if you would like to stay..." He smiled again, "She found her head..." Shizuo looked up at him

"What? Really?" He nodded, sipping the warm tea "Good... she deserved too..."

"Three years after..." Shinra said, but he didn't really need to finish that sentence, Shizuo knew all too well three years after. "Ah well... she is still here... I convinced her to stay and become my beautiful wife." He shrugged, "All is good." He set the plates of banana bread on the table,

"So tell me, what brings you here?" Shizuo sighed, looking down at the chipped cup in front of him, he could feel the heat coming from it.

"Shinra... tell me... what do you know of Izaya Orihara's death?"

….

Shinra stood there, surprised such a question came from the informant's mortal enemy. He straighten his back, groaning at the cracks, getting old sucked. The underground doctor sipped the hot tea.

"In all honesty, it didn't come as much of a surprise that someone up and killed him. But from what I head, who ever it was, they did a number on him."

Shizuo was shocked,

"Wait..." he said, "He..didn't commit suicide?" Shizuo asked, Shinra shook his head,

"No. Not that I know of, I never saw the body.. but I do remember quiet barley, there was a suicide case right around that time though." The aging doctor got up and stumbled over to a filing cabinet. "The man was badly beaten that night... raped and beaten to no end, but no one believed him, since he had a history of hysteria... so apparently, he killed himself that night. I wish I still had the body..."

Shizuo looked at Shinra, he wanted to keep some guys body?

"Who was it?"

Shinra was busy searching through files and files that he collected over the years, he briefly reminded Shizuo of Izaya. Document thrown over each other about who knows who.

"Shinra... you said you never saw the body!" Shizuo said, Shinra turned around, a black file in his hands, Shizuo looked at the two letters. _J.Y._

"Yes, I wanted too, I wanted to see the real reason my friend ended his life... but, they sent him to a morgue in Shinjuku."

"What are you talking about?" Shizuo asked, he knew Shinjuku pretty well for a guy who lived in Ikebukuro, but he didn't remember a morgue in Shinjuku. "Shinra...what morgue?"

Shinra looked confused,

"I got a note from a mortician at the time," He pulled a note out of a folder, "Here..." Shizuo took it,

"_Mr. Kishitani, _

_I understand you are worried about the preparations for the body of Orihara Izaya. I have it taken care of, the body was transported to us late night."_

Shizuo looked down at the name on the bottom. It was not a name he knew, but he felt like he did.

"_Haku Kaido" _

Kaido...

"Shinra..." Shizuo whispered, touching the name, "Did you ever meet this man?"

"Hm? No, I saw no need to, the information on the body was accurate enough."

Shizuo clinched his fists "It wasn't a body! It was Izaya!" Shinra stopped, he looked up at Shizuo.

"Shizuo, here... the suicide case from the week Izaya died." he handed Shizuo a folder, black, or was it a dark blue? Shizuo truly couldn't tell in the dull light. Shizuo opened it, fearing what exactly he would find in it's contents.

_Yagami, Jin_

_Age: 20_

_Height: 175 cm_

_Weight: 132 Pounds _

_Blood Type: O_

_Hair Color: Black_

_Eye color: Brown_

_Date of Death: July 23_

_Cause of Death: Mutilation_

_:Body found in an alleyway in Ikebukuro, body unrecognizable_

_Signature: **Shinra Kishitani**_

Shizuo flipped further into the details of the man named Yagami Jin. He found nothing of interest until the picture of the body was shown.

Short, black hair, pale, skinny, almost unrecognizable.

"Shinra? Does this picture look familiar to you?" The underground doctor turned to look at the aging blonde,  
"Jin Yagami? I suppose he looks familiar, why?"

Shizuo looked at him, "Shinra... look at him!" He hissed, the doctor looked.

The man, Jin, looked exactly like Izaya, beat up and bruised, dead far too long... his short black hair was thrown in his face in such a careless way, his skin pale and even looked cold to the touch.

Just like Izaya's...

"Shinra... why did Haku Kaido want to take care for Izaya's body?" Shizuo asked, Shinra looked back up at the aging blonde in confusion.

"I did get a call from Mr. Kaido, the younger Mr. Kaido though, what was the name... um..Ren? I believe?" Shinra said, Shizuo felt his hands curling into shaking fists. Anger coursed through his body.

Dammit dammit dammit dammit!

"He said that he felt like Izaya's body should be taken care of by the funeral home's own mortician." Shinra said. Shizuo growled.

"Dammit!" He hissed, Shinra looked up "Shinra! There is no funeral home in Shinjuku!" Shinra stared at him.

"Yes.. Saigo No Sekai in Shinjuku." Shinra muttered, confused, the doctor made his way back to that aging file cabinet. Searching frantically for that slip of paper.

Shizuo sighed "Shinra... I need to tell you something.." but the younger didn't bother to stop, he couldn't find any of the business cards that the Kaido brothers sent... but both stopped when the phone rang.

_**Okay, I'm sorry with how short these are... I tried to work on it as best as I could...I'm so sorry if this sucks! But I know where this is going, so this isn't just a b.s chapter. **_


	5. Chapter 6

**I thought maybe you all would like to see what's going on at the other end of our mystery love story, so here you go... not so pointless, plot progression! **

**I do not own Durarara! Shizuo, Izaya, Shinra, but I do own this plot...so...I'm still good.**

**-The awesome Devit Mechallies- **

"Did he answer?"

"No you moron! That's why that kid is still alive!"

Izaya groaned, opining his crimson eyes just enough to see the fading lights of his captors in the next room over, he couldn't breath, he couldn't move.

"Well get him to answer!" the voice of that man...the man he was disturbed to say, was once his lover, his possessive, evil minded lover... "That kid's not going to last much longer..." Izaya sat up, or at least as good as he could sit up, the chains holding his hands behind his back pulled him back to the wall, his left eye was sewn shut, cuts adorned his lips, like a skeleton mask.

The voices grew closer and closer as the raven pushed himself back into the smallest corner of the room he was in. "How much more you think this kid can take?" He knew that voice...it was harder, than the others, "He's been at it for 16 years..."

"He's fine..it's that old debt collector we have to worry about.." Izaya looked up, debt...collector?

"Oh Izaya!" Ren called in a fake sickening sing song voice, the raven flinched, shaking his head, trying to get away.

"Nnn!" He cried, he couldn't remember how to form the words he knew, his voice was long gone from the screaming he had forgotten was his own, it didn't sound like the man who was once at the top of the world, he had mastered the game, and still, he lost.

He shook violently, the figure of his former lover and captor loomed over him like the plague. He could feel fresh tears falling down. The older brother leaned on the door frame, "Ren...don't hurt him too much," He hissed, Ren smiled, showing his face in the dim light shining through the bars on the windows. He reached down to pull the gag away from Izaya's mouth.

The second it was removed, Izaya went through a crying fit, shaking his head, blood dripped through the gashes on his mouth, new cuts from the metal stitches put in his lips and skin to keep him quiet, then ripped out without mercy, he felt the familiar sting of the palm of a hand, "Shut up you piece of trash..." Ren hissed, he felt the chains getting tighter on his bloody and bruised wrists.

Ren bent down to touch the side of Izaya's face, his sharp nails running down the sun forgotten skin, he scratched his cheek bone. "My puppet..how are you tonight?" Izaya tried to move away. Ren pulled him closer, gripping his already bruised waist.

"Oh? And where do you think your going?" Ren asked, pushing his steal toed boot into Izaya's rib cage, there was a soft crack, Izaya let out yet another silent scream that he knew no one would hear. Ren smiled, his elder brother, Haku, sighed from behind them.

"Ren...if your going to punish your toys, then please... do it right." he stands back up, throwing his large hands in his pockets, walking over to aid his brother.

The other took Izaya by the neck, pushing the already broken and mangled body up on the cold, damp wall, he cried out in pain as a knee jabbed into his stomach, "I SAID ANSWER YOU PIECE OF TRASH!" Haku yelled, Izaya shook violently, he shook his head.

"S-S-Shizu-chan!" He whispered, "Not being able to say much else than the name of the man he loved.

Haku sighed, "Useless...hurry up and get that body guard, this bitch won't stop shaking like a girl..." Ren smirked,

"He'll be dead by the time Heiwajima-san comes around..."

**I'm sorry! This was just...wow... a little look at how Izaya's doing...**


	6. Chapter 7

_So I've been having issues writing lately._

_..but here is what I've gotten so far..._

_So don't kill me_

There is something strange about looking into a mirror, looking at the person staring back at you.

"_There is no possible way.."_

Scared to see who you've become and who you once where

"_Help me Shizu-chan..."_

But now, staring back at dull mocha eyes, Shizuo hated the person staring back,

"_He's dead... there is no possible way he would have lived this long without sending us a sign.."_

The man who stared back at him was younger, blonde, with bright, hating eyes. The monster of Ikebukuro... he would have jumped at the chance to see Orihara Izaya dead. Now, he regretted every second of that cursed life.

"_Get out of Ikebukuro you fucking flea...I hate you!"_

"_Die!"  
"Leave!" _

"_I love you..."_

So many words he regretted saying and some he wished he had sooner,

"_We have to find him! Please...we have to..."_

Shizuo looked down at his makeshift bed in Shinra's guest room, pictures scattered across the bed. Memories long forgotten, his school life, parties, family...and Izaya.

DAMMIT IZAYA!

Shinra knocked on the door, "Hey Shizuo.." He called, the blonde looked up,

"Yes?"

"Celty looked...I-I"

"I know..."

Shizuo felt his heart breaking in half, "I will find him," He looked back at picture's from Izaya's past, watching out for anything and anyone that could help put the puzzle together for them. But there where so many people in the pictures! How could he put a finger one just one of them...

He stopped at one, it was Izaya with another man, brown hair and brown eyes, Izaya was looking up with those amazing sharp eyes of his, the man had an arm around Izaya's shoulders.

"Who is this guy..." Shizuo turned the photo over to the back, seeing Izaya's scrawled on it,

Orihara Izaya- Ren Kaido..

Oh..shit..


	7. Chapter 8

**-Are you really gone-**

**Devit**

**Rating T**

**Disclaimer**

**I do not own Durarara, this was made for the love of fandom**

Shizuo stared down at the numerous papers that scattered the table in the informant's house, two other men sat in the room with him, waiting. All eyes sharp and dark.

"What do you see Shizuo?" Kadota asked, the blond looked up, "I looked over the information, I can't make heads or tails of it," He pushed himself off of the wall, "It's been over ten years, how can someone not clean this place up? Or throw that damned phone away, I don't understand it."

Shinra pulled a sheet of paper out of the stacks, staring at the information displayed on it, "I did my research," He said, all heads looked up, Shinra pushed up his glasses, brown eyes shifting, "The reason no one cleaned up this apartment was because it's owned still by someone."

Shizuo nodded, looking over to Kadota, then back to the papers, "But who dammit!?" He growled, tempted to throw the mahogany desk across the room, sending it into the wall, Kadota pulled out some files from the large metal cabinet.

"He's right Shizuo, why would Izaya take stalker photos of himself?" He threw the file down, sending pictures and drawing everywhere, Shinra sighed,

"We're getting no where, I looked up the names of the people who 'own' this apartment now, both are large names in the Mafia, both under that name you keep seeing Shizuo, Kaido. Whatever Izaya got himself into... well...I don't think he knew what he was getting into."

All three men where at a loss, Shizuo picked up one of the stalker photos of Izaya, he had on that fur jacket he loved so much, walking down the streets of Ikebukuro, he looked unharmed, so it was before Shizuo himself would have gotten to him.

Sometimes he wondered, for years he wished it would happen, prayed, begged even for the raven to die, fly away, leave the cursed place that in all truth, while he helped destroy, he made...light almost. Some days he wondered if it was his fault that Izaya left, he hated the raven man, wanted him gone, but now..he couldn't get that face out of his head, that name, voice. Day by day, humans lived their lives, some forgetting the man even was there to begin with, living...without him.

Shinra snapped his fingers in front of the ex bartender's face, "Shizuo...back to reality, we found something." Shizuo looked up as Kadota pulled something from the printer, the sheet of paper with lines all over it. He was confused, until he say it was the lay-out of an email chat.

"So?" Shizuo asked, not understanding why it mattered, Shinra rolled his eyes,

"It was between Izaya and that Kaido guy I think.." Kadota said, pointing to the RYK username, Shinra read over the conversation, keeping a deadly sharp eye out for any lead.

"Names, numbers, dates, addresses, these two kept all their contact information in their emails." He scanned over the more 'recent' "The content seemed to get rather...sexual, from Izaya's partner, all Izaya responded each time was...'Our relationship remains business and only that.'"

For days, these men did nothing but work on this, what felt like, unsolvable case and it was beginning to show in them all, the only relevant leads they find without somehow getting it from the police where the facts that Izaya was depressed, he shut people out when Shizuo rejected him, and he was associated with the mafia and a suicide case just around the time of his own death.

Rain poured down from outside, making Shizuo all the more upset, Shinra put a hand on his shoulder, "Do you still have that phone number? The one who called you?" Shizuo took out his phone, unlocked it and set it on the table.

"It should be there," He turned to look out the large window by the desk, he could imagine the beautiful raven as he was, skin as pale as snow, lips red like blood and eyes to match. He remembered Izaya liked roses, he always had a single crimson rose on his desk.

"Why would anyone do this to Izaya?" Kadota asked, plopping down in a chair, Shizuo clinched his teeth, looking over, sadness and longing in mocha eyes.

"He was..the perfect target." He answered, "He was deadly, cunning, smart, rich... beautiful... scared, willing."

Shinra and Kadota both looked up, Kadota let out a low sigh, standing back up, "I better be going..." He nodded, Shinra waved him off as he left, leaving the two alone with Shinra's thoughts and Shizuo's rage.

Shizuo tugged a piece of lined paper over on Izaya's desk, getting a pen from his vest pocket, writing down something he wished he said easier to the raven.

"_St__ay With Me__  
__Don't Let Me Go__  
__Cause I Can't Be Without You__  
__Just Stay With Me__  
__And Hold Me Close__  
__Because I've Built My World Around You__  
__And I Don't Wanna Know What's It Like Without You__  
__So Stay with Me__  
__Just Stay With Me"_

Shinra looked at the slip of paper, "Shizuo..I found something..." The blonde looked up, eyes boring into the doctor's back as he walked away to get Izaya's laptop, placing it on his lap, he clicked on a saved tab, it opened as an internet add... Shizuo was confused at first, until he saw something, a profile picture,

It was a human auction site for the Mafia and rival gangs in Japan, men and women from all over the world being sold into Japan and Asian, sex slaves...

Shizuo felt sick to his stomach, "Why would he have this?" Shinra asked, looking into profiles, all in their prim, young adults with lives ahead of them.

The two continued their search through hours into the dark lifeless night, snow falling on the ground outside, seconds for men and women, Sadists and Masochists, gays, it was all sicking...

Then there was the search bar, it was saved under Izaya's tabs, it may have lead to something, with pained hearts, Shinra typed in

"_Ren Kaido"_

/

Shizuo slammed his fists to the table, causing Shinra to jump slightly,  
"That bastard!" He growled, pacing, Shinra was still looking into personal profiles, it wasn't just sex slaves and toys, it was profiles of their 'pimps' and it was no shock who came up on Ren Kaido's profile...

Names, faces, some Shizuo didn't recognize, most simple and easy whores, just another off the streets the evil man had tricked into working for him and the Mafia, some teen boys, then...Izaya.

It was really all piecing together.


	8. Chapter 9

**Are you really gone?**

**By:**

**Clockwork Night**

**(Hiei's Nightmare)**

**Rating: T**

**When Izaya finally tells Shizuo how he feels, the blonde pushes him away, years later, Shizuo realizes his own feelings, but it was too late, for Orihara Izaya was dead, So he decided to find out the real reason the raven died, But what he finds could change his life forever *Shizaya* *Gore* *Yaoi* *BoyXBoy***

The shrill ring of the phone awoke Izaya from his light sleep, his body drenched in blood and cold sweat. The ringing hurt his head. His dull crimson eyes fluttered open, his heart beating fast and uneven in his chest.

Warmth flooded in from the light, his eyes slowly adjusted to the light he wasn't used to. He moved, only to realized he was still chained and gagged, his heart fell, the phone went to voice mail, the answering machine's voice crying out in the dead silence

"Leave a message.." He let his head fall to stare at the cold, hard ground, feeling warm tears drip down that he didn't know he had anymore. He felt so alone, so broken and used, he wondered why he ever took the job...

_A skinny, pale raven sighed, sitting on a concrete wall, looking out at the falling snow His crimson eyes sharp as a dart as he watched every movement of every human he saw. This was his joy, his life and one happiness that someday s, it was all he could do to keep holding on._

_A man saw this beautiful creature, cocking his head, brown hair fell past his own eyes, he longed to capture this raven, keep him locked away forever._

_Taking the first step, he paused, looking up, the raven spun around, something flashing past the man's head, his eyes grew wide as crimson eyes bore into brown, a slender knife stuck out from the wall behind him._

"_Who are you?!" The raven hissed, sharp teeth set behind ruby lips shining in the dim light from the moon. The man put his hands up, yet the gesture was far from surrender, for he wanted nothing more that to cage the raven._

"_R-Ren..." He said, acting in utter defeat. "Kaido Ren." He recognized this teen, was this really who the boss had told him to stay away from, was this truly the great and feared Orihara Izaya?_

_He moved to stand next to the teen, not removing his eyes from the others, he leaned on the metal railing, overlooking the large, extensive city of lights. The teen sighed, not meeting Ren's eyes_

"_You look lonely..." Ren muttered, his heart beat fast in his chest when beautiful crimson eyes met his._

"_I'm not lonely..."_

_Ren nodded, trying to tear his eyes away, "Then explain.." He reached up to touch the teen's cheek, feeling it wet, his skin was ice cold!_

"_Get off me you freak!" the teen yelled, thrashing away, Ren sighed,_

"_...What's your name?" He already knew this beautiful raven, yet.. he thought maybe the teen would prefer it if someone didn't. The raven turned to look at him,_

"_..Izaya.." He whispered, Ren nodded, _

"_Why are you here..Izaya?"_

_Izaya sighed, letting his head fall, something told him to keep his guard up, but... he just couldn't..._

"_I hate it..." He growled, his claw like nails scratching into the metal of the railing. Leaving small marks carved into it. "I hate it!" Ren was taken back by the outburst.  
"What is it that you hate?"_

_He placed a hand on the teen's back, the clothing offering him no warmth in the cold winter wind, Ren sighed, seeing this child..this man... who felt pain, it was so easily seen in his eyes. _

"_Izaya," He whispered, "What do you hate?"_

_Izaya looked into the snowy night sky, he was designed not to trust anyone, at least, he wired his mind to think that, nothing more than clockwork in his mind, far more sophisticated than any humans._

_Yet, while he was a child prodigy, a generous and cunning mastermind, there was something missing._

_That longing deep in his heart that kept him from truly loving his humans as he should and wanted to._

_Love_

_He wanted love._

_Ren could see it in the boy's eyes, the snow falling gracefully on his black hair, the snow the same color as his skin. He was beautiful, his reputation proceeding him of a dangerous lust. He was elusive, Ren knew it was a stupid question, why are you here? Like Izaya would ever answer him._

_Ruby lips parted, fog coming out, Ren offered his hand, "My house is nearby, and you look freezing." It wasn't a lie, the teen was still in his school clothes , Izaya turned, his eyes like daggers, he knew he shouldn't take that hand, in the back of his mind, he knew he was dancing with the devil..._

_But he took it. _

"Why..." Izaya whispered, chained to the wall and floor, once the highest being, now nothing more than a sex slave, sold online for a quick buck. His heart no longer broke for his situation, for those who believed him to be long dead and those who didn't care, as it once would have. He no longer cried, waking up hoping he would be at home, in his bed or even asleep on the couch, but he did cry for a certain blonde, who shattered his world and existence, who broke Orihara Izaya, showing the world, and himself, who he really was.

The man who he loved, and who hated him with his entire body and soul.

He turned his head to face the blood and cum stained walls, he was no longer Izaya Orihara, now nothing more than a common five dollar hooker, most of the people who where soul on the site where long dead, profiles used to make money off of poor suckers who fell for it.

Once he had snuck away from his prison, seeing just what his captors planned to do with him, his eyes grew in his head as he saw Ren on the phone, making arrangements...for him, he flinched.

"_No, I promise, this one is good, wont fight you." Izaya moved to listen in closer, wondering who they where talking about, _

"_Pretty little bitch too, you'll just melt in those eyes." The elder Kaido, Haku, moved to push a girl into another room, her cried heard from far away._

_Izaya tried to get closer, shaking in the little clothing he had, _

"_I'm telling you, one night with this guy, it's worth the money." He paused, "Yes, hot shot Izaya Orihara, I promise you it's the real deal.." Izaya's eyes grew, t-they where..selling him?! _

_He was jerked back, letting out a cry of pain, he looked up to see Haku staring down with cold dead eyes, "This one got out.." Ren sneered, looking over, _

"_Sir, your toy just broke out." He smirked, clicking off the phone call to walk over to the two. _

_Izaya stumbled back, not able to get far with his injury, the laughter of the two psychotic men filled the large house, in truth, Izaya didn't even know where he was, it was like an old mental hospital, he tried to drag himself off, trying so hard to hide away._

_A hand clamped down on his shoulder, digging into the blades, he cried out in pain, looking up, Ren smirked, _

"_Where do you think your going?" He asked, Izaya couldn't believe this was the man so nice to him so long ago. The man who offered him a life away from his loneliness and hurt. _

"_W-Why!?" Izaya chocked out, tears in his eyes, rolling down his face, _

"_Because, I wont let someone as pretty as you go."_

_That was the first night Izaya felt so broken, like trash, worthless and impure, he crawled into the white cell, walls stained with his blood and the blood of those before him, the toys, the insane, he clawed at the walls, screaming until his voice left him._

_And there those claw marks would remain for the rest of time, reminding Izaya he would never get out._

"Leave a message..." The voice mail repeated, calling to nobody, the raven sighed, looking at the rusted and bloodied chains around his ankles and wrists, he waited for a client's voice, or maybe a drug dealer, someone he knew all to well..

"_Izaya!" _

His head shot up, eyes wide, "S-Shizu.." He whispered, his voice not all there, he crawled on his knees as far as the chains allowed him, with a quick look around him, he made sure nether of his captors where around before moving to get a better listen,

"_Izaya! It's Shizuo, please, if you can, call me, find a way to get to me, I need to know where you are!"_

"H-Hell.." tears welled in his eyes at the sound of the others voice, but was rather confused, why would the blonde ex bartender trying to find him? Wasn't he suppose to he elated that the great Orihara Izaya was finally broken, beaten and dead?

Izaya tried to open his mouth, the dog nudged the phone, it fell with a crash to the floor, he flinched, scared,

But no one came.

Then his heart jumped in his chest,

The phone fell on the call button, it began to ring, he got closer,

"_Yeah?"_

He felt his pale and cut lips turn into a soft smile

"S-Shizuo?" He whispered, looking around, "Please..tell me it's you.." He could barely hear, since it wasn't on speaker phone, but he would take what he could get.

"_Izaya?!" _the blonde's head shot up at the familiar voice, it sounded so far away, but he was talking to Izaya, and that was all that mattered, that he was alive. "Izaya are you okay?!"

The shaky laughter filled the receiver_ "I'm just peachy.." _He rolled his eyes, so Izaya was still a cocky bastard even then. "_Shizuo..I can't talk long, the dog made the phone fall, so who knows when they'll wake up to check,"_

Shizuo growled, so little time! He had to find Izaya at all costs, he just had to! "Can you tell me where you are?" Shinra groaned in his sleep, his head on a pile of papers and death reports, he heard the shorter raven hiss in pain, chains rattled on the other end.

"_I'm going insane..you'll never find me.." _Izaya cried, Shizuo could hear the tears in the man's voice, he shook his head

"I'll find you..I promise flea, I'll find you and we'll stay together, I wont let you go!"

"_W-White walls, with black and red... i-it's old..." Izaya was scared, looking over his shoulder to make sure he was safe, "I-I..there are bars over the window.."_

Shizuo nodded, quickly grabbing a pad of paper and writing it down, he heard the fear in the man's voice,

"I promise..I will find you and save you, I swear to you" Shizuo felt his heart break, "Izaya...I love you, I've loved you for so long,"

"_I-I never stopped loving you.." _Izaya whispered, the line went dead, Shizuo growled, looking at the information

Izaya turned, making sure no one saw the phone call, the beastly creature they called a dog lay on the floor under a large white light, he covered his eyes, but the world behind the windows said it was still nightfall...

He quickly scurried over to his cell, shaking

_He loves me..._

_He loves me..._

_Shizuo..loves..me.._

He curled up in the cold, trying to get any body heat he could muster up, closing his dull eyes, he finally rested, dreaming of the day he would be set free...

Shizuo growled, slamming his hand into the table where Shinra slept, the doctor shot up, "Er...what?" He asked tiredly, the words slurring together, Shizuo stared at the man, with fire in his eyes

"Shinra, I know where Izaya is."

**Wow, okay, I'm done for now, over 2000 words, I'm good, I promised a longer chapter, is this good enough?**

**I'll try to update when I can loves!**


	9. Chapter 10

**Are you really gone?**

**Clockwork Night**

**(Hiei's Nightmare)**

**When Izaya finally tells Shizuo how he feels, the blonde pushes him away, years later, Shizuo realizes his own feelings, but it was too late, for Orihara Izaya was dead, So he decided to find out the real reason the raven died, But what he finds could change his life forever *Shizaya* *Gore* *Yaoi* *BoyXBoy* **

**Rating: T**

Shinra shot up, holding his head, "Y-You do?!" He asked, Shizuo nodded, pushing the slip of paper to the underground doctor,

"Look at this!"

Shinra eyed the paper, reading over the descriptions Shizuo presented him with, he looked up, "Shizuo, this isn't a location..."

The blonde growled, pushing it back, "No, look, Shinra, he said he was going insane, that it was all white," The doctor raised his eye brows

"Yes? So?"

"So! So, think...where else would _insane_ people go?" The pieces where being put together, Shinra jumped up, walking over to his computer, Shizuo was curious as to what he was doing, the man typed something in quickly, then nodded,

"He's in an old abandoned insane asylum..." He whispered, then clicked on a link,

"Yakudatsu.." Shizuo whispered, looking at the screen, Shinra nodded,

"They shut it down 80 years ago, after finding out they tortured and tested on patients, they say the bones are still hidden in the walls..." Shizuo shivered,

"Izaya is..there?" He asked, Shinra nodded,

"Yakudatsu means help.." He continued to look through the pages, learning about the so called 'restless spirits' of the dead and insane, then looking over to the paper of the words Shizuo wrote down, he sighed, "And your sure Izaya's there?" He asked, Shizuo pointed to the picture, the inside of a room, blood splattered on the walls and floors, showing the cruel place as said it was now, Shizuo flinched

"He's there...I know he is.." Shinra placed his hand over the blondes,

"Then we're going to Yakudatsu."

Izaya growled, pressing the chains against the walls of his prison, both Ren and Haku where gone, thankfully, they went on a business run and Izaya had never been happier.

He slammed into the wall once more, the chains latching onto a nail stuck out, he growled as blood dripped down a fairly small cut on his hand, the disgusting stench from rotting dead and old blood ran though his nose, sadly he had gotten used to it.

With one last strong heave, the restricting chains snapped, he laughed for the first time in years, realizing his freedom was just a walk away, he quickly turned to look over his shoulder, the cuffs still around his wrists, but he was free enough to move around freely.

He moved to quickly undo the chains on his feet, finally free. He looked towards the hallways, standing up, the raven leaned on the stained white padded wall. His heart pounding in his chest, breathing ragged.

Shizuo pulled the car away from Shinra's home, not caring about the speed limits, he was just thankful no one pulled him over. His hands gripped the steering wheel, knuckles turning white with the brute force.

"Shizuo, calm down" Shinra pleaded, he understood why the blonde was so angry, he just didn't want to get arrested or killed.

"Kill Kill kill Kill kill" Shizuo chanted, driving even faster.

Izaya saw a mask laying in one of the old rooms in the maze of a mental hospital, picking it up, memories flashed in his head of previous clients and jobs, some with mask fetishes, loving the way Izaya was, and had to be, submissive, only able to see his once bright crimson eyes.

He cocked his head lightly, pulling the strings apart, they fell down past the old mask, he shrugged, having no other use for it and slipped it on his face, hiding an identity most thought to be dead.

Izaya slipped away into the shadows, a man who once was coming back to him slowly, a mystery, elusive, as quick as a cat in the night. Making sure not to make a sound as he moved to the door that kept him locked away.

He paused, eyes wide as a car door slammed shut, his heart quickened as he hid away, shaking, _No..No..No! I-I was suppose to get free! I was suppose to run away.. _he felt tears sting down his cheeks, his heart breaking,

_I was suppose to live_

Izaya heard the door open with ease, shaking violently. His fear taking over his mind as two figures, one large, one shorter, walking through the building, their shadows only being able to see.

"He's not here.." A deep voice hissed, slamming a fist into the wall,

"Where else would he be?!" The other asked, the voice... where so familiar, yet Izaya couldn't place them, he stayed perfectly still his face hidden by a mask.

"Izaya isn't here." the deep voice said, sounding..defeated, the raven moved to get a better look at the two, but was only able to see their backs, still staying hidden, he moved across the shadows, seeing their faces, they where older, maybe his age, early 30s.

The tall blonde placed his hand on the blood stained wall, "Where is he? Why did they bring Izaya here.." The raven heard his name, it sounded strange in such a sweet mouth, he liked it, the shorter man pushed up his glasses,

"Who knows, come on, no one's here..."

Izaya slipped, causing a wash pan to fall to the ground, he froze, eyes wide as the two looked in his direction.

Shinra pushed his glasses up, sighing, "Come on, no one's here.."  
Shizuo sighed, about to turn away and leave, but then froze, hearing a loud crash! He spun around, his fists balled up.

"What the hell was that?!" He hissed, he looked for the intruder, then realized the only intruders was Shinra and he. A flash of silver caught his eye, he reached forward, the silver dot fled away.

Mocha eyes dropped in sadness, maybe it was nothing more than a mouse or another animal. Shinra cocked his head, stepping closer, "Shizuo, look." The silver spot stopped, he reached forward to touch a strand of coarse hair. He smiled.

"Shizuo, come here.." The blonde took a step forward, Shinra felt the hair tighten in his grasp, as if the owner was trying to get away. "It's alright..you safe, we're not going to hurt you."

The owner of the hair, took a singer step forward, the light flashing over it's face. Shinra smiled, "That's right, your okay." The creature was a thin, scrawny short man, he walked to the light and the two men. Shinra nodded, moving his hand away from the man's hair to his hand, it was cold as the winter wind and cut open as was every other part of his body.

Shizuo growled, pulling the man away from Shinra and slamming him into a wall  
"Who the hell are you?!" He yelled, the man flinched, his head cracked into a wall, he cried out in pain, eyes closed, a silver mask covered his face. Shizuo felt his rage grow, not even noticing the black hair and pale, bloodied skin.

"Answer me!"

"Shizuo!" Shinra cried, trying to get him away, Shizuo threw him off, "Stop!"

The blonde stopped, the man in the wall opened one crimson eyes, Shizuo stopped moving, breathing, thinking..

"Izaya..."


End file.
